My mother has a sickening addiction … time for an intervention? (Asking again.)?
Question by Empress: My mother has a sickening addiction … time for an intervention? (Asking again.)?
My mother has a sickening addiction to methamphetamine. Our immediate family is well aware of it, due to her stealing from family, not working for months now & still managing to miraculously pay bills, buy gifts, etc. My mother and I are very open & we have discussed her situation. I’m defensive for my other family members (and myself) that she’s stolen from, with tact. (That IS my mother.) Her boyfriend and her inform me when she’s so sick from being without her “drug”. Both of them are users and neither of them are working to correct their problem … if they even see it as that. It’s breaking up our family & I’m torn in the middle, trying to do the impossible and defend/please all parties involved. I’m pregnant & it’s getting to the point where I’m tired of being nice and wish I could consciously decide to cut that out of my life, but … it’s my mother. It’s a very hard decision … & everyone is hoping I can find the solution. What do I do?
Ok … her boyfriend and her are already in the “criminal mind” stage of addiction. (I’m almost 100% sure that’s how things get “paid” amongst their life.) Also, I’m 25. Parents divorced when I was 2 days old. (So, Dad’s not going to be into “team playing”.) AAAH yes … and she’s been to rehab before. I’ve cut her off from my life before. She’s been to jail and “supposedly” was clean throughout her whole probation. Her boyfriend and her are already entering the early stages of their abusive relationship & having had that experience, I know the added difficulty that it adds to the situation. I believe she is in control, though, not him. Not to mention, you can’t exactly “admit” a full grown mother, that may/may not believe she has a problem. She has to make that decision. (For the record, I’m 25 & do NOT live at home.)
I’m not exactly taking up for her…
Best answer:
Answer by a_sexualasianangel
Honey, you are about to become a mother yourself. You need to cut ties with this woman and concentrate on you and your baby. You cannot help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves. It is sad but true.
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No one can MAKE her get help(well, unless you can find a family member willing to chain her up and drag her to rehab…and with the way things sound i.e. stealing and all, one of the family may get that notion in their head) until she is ready. Be it a traumatic experience involving her b/f, caught stealing and put in jail again…something like that. I know this is is hard to do, and it’s not the answer you are looking for, but you gotta step back from this situation. Being pregnant, you aren’t just responsible for you healt and well being, you need to think about what is best for the munchkin. When the baby is older, if your mom is still the way she is, if YOU have close contact with your mom, so will the baby. Is that really a good idea? Unless she does get a wake up call, your mom will only get worse, and you will be exposing your child to a timed bomb. I know you think you are doing the right thing, and I applaud you for standing up for your mom, but by taking up for her, you might be making matters worse. Maybe what she needs is for the family to come down hard on her to get her straightened out. She has an ADDICTION, and no one can battle an addiction on their own, nor can they break a habit if they continue to get away with it. I know you love your mom, but maybe trying a little tough love not only from you, but from others who love her will help her to see the light.
You picked a sticky topic for sure. This is one of those exceptionally tough life things you’re gonna have to struggle through. Hear me out before writing me off.
Your mom is a grown up, leave it alone and let her self-destruct.
Now, in the process of self-destruction, if she becomes self abusive or suicidal, a different kind of intervention will be necessary. For now though, you simply have to let her be and destroy herself. If you are lucky, one of the other friends or family members will wind up filing charges for the theft and that will help “interrupt” her behavior pattern.
What makes this so tough on you is that you truly care about her. She is not being considerate of you feelings (or any one else’s for that matter). The best you can offer is to be there when she is picking up the pieces of her shattered being later on down the road. At that time, you will find yourself growing closer than you have been in a long time (usual case). Worst case, she will take her self destruction out on you and despise you for not “making” her quit. But listen honey, as we are all self governing human beings with a built in free will generator, her choices – her failure, not yours.
Let it ride and pray for better days.
tell her to go to http://www.na.org and get off the stuff